Photoshopped by the marvelous Scott Leyes
Yotaan brought up the topic of the next WoW expansion the other day. Unfortunately, he brought it up over the dinner table, so the whole family got involved. Including the members of the household who had no idea what Warcraft was, let alone what a new expansion would entail.
Yotaan started off by saying that he and I should post our speculation before the info drops on Thursday. But before we could get anywhere with that speculation, my mom butted in.
“Brony. It should be brony,” she said in the matter of fact way that only my mother can. “No wait wait wait, it should be that terrible dinosaur sitcom from the 90’s. You know, the one where the actors dressed up in dinosaur suits and it looked horrendous.”
My father laughed out loud, and piled on that the next expansion should be Jane Austen to get more women in the story as they make their way through Elizabethan age life. Pride and Paladin, my mother added.
But it got better. My mom, having another flash of inspiration shouted “No! I know what it should be! Sex in the City! All the women will sit around discussing women things like their periods and men. And all the guys will be gay but the women won’t be, so it will create weird tensions.” And even I have to admit, it’d be pretty funny to see hulking brawny orcs sitting around discussing their feelings.
Not one to be left out of the fun, my little sister joined in with ‘Unicorns! The next expansion should be unicorns! There will be unicorns running around and you have to do quests to free them and get meat. And the unicorns only turn purple after they’ve been with humans!”
And we all agreed that she had the most fleshed out expansion idea of them all.
However, Yotaan and I still needed to write out our expansion predictions. I sat down and did some good hard thinking. Unlike the rest of my family, I was going to come up with a legitimate and plausible expansion idea.
The way I saw it, there were two options. The first and more obvious one would be some sort of demon expansion. With the lead up of Hellfire Citadel, a return of the Burning Legion made the most sense. I foresaw some sort of invasion, either on our part or on the demon’s parts. But the second expansion option is what I would prefer to see.
We return to Azeroth after the Draenor campaign to find that the Naga have been acting up again. Racing to the oceans, we embark on a South Seas Expansion filled with Naga, pirates, forgotten islands, and more. Eventually we discover that the Naga have been in contact with the Burning Legion (again) and are once more trying to bring them to Azeroth. Neptulon plays a part so we finally get that thread wrapped up.
This is the expansion that I would really want to see. I’ve always thought that the Naga make a great and chilling enemy and I really want there to be more pirates in WoW. Also, the idea of islands instead of a single continent could be an interesting new take (provided there is fast travel between islands). And we also are wrapping up tons of plot threads as well as smoothly transitioning from WoD. It could be perfect!
My father (unfortunately) was way less… conscientious… about his expansion idea.
Yotaan: The heroes return to Azeroth after being away in Draenor battling orcs and demons only to find Disaster has struck!
All the major cities and towns are overrun with zombies (queue zombie invasion from Wrath) How could this be? We defeated the Lich King! Bolvar still sits on the throne…
But an old nemesis has risen again – Deathwing! Now he’s a zombie and he is seeking (again) to destroy the world. This time, he will crush all civilization first with the zombies under his control.
As if this is not horrifying enough, there is more… Who is behind all of this? How did Deathwing become a zombie to terrorize us again?
He’s at it again!
We shall see who’s right come tomorrow!